Today

today is no better.

I need a remarkable life.

GRAMMAR

and spelling torment me.

I hate that once a post is posted you cannot edit it, even though it makes sense.
I will finish Nineteen Eight-Four tonight.

Blue

Today I feel terrible. I am depressed, which is strange because I aquired some new material possessions; this usually leaves me enlightened. I will always let my happiness rely on 'having' things. Things don't let you down. Put all your hope and love into a person and you most likely will end up unhappy. And even if that person doesn't crush you in one way or another, you will always be living in fear that they will be snatched from you, (possibly by someone else) will come home one day tearful from the doctors'. You'll have to go with them for CAT scans, or injections or chemotherapy or all of these and more. You will have to hold them while they suffer and cry and you will have be strong for yourself and them because they won't be able to be.
In the end they will die and you will be without them after weeks, months, years of being together and relying on each other for happiness and fulfillment. It's simply not worth it. Or, you will die first. Maybe that's the best outcome.
Today is not a good day.

Being a horrible person

isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Having been a complete and utter fuckwit the past few days, I must admit that some kind of punishment is needed.
I will begin a two week water/coffee fast tomorrow. I can't enjoy food at the moment anyway, and I need to feel like I'm doing something to make up for the world's more horrible friend act I've committed.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I am sorry.