Today

Today was strange. Today is still strange. I felt ok, mundane, boring, tired; the usual.
After the phonecall I felt different. Somehow, more energetic? I don't know why. I keep telling myself things will get better, I will get over it, it won't matter anymore. It doesn't seem to be happening. It hasn't even been a year, but I still feel like I shouldn't care anymore.
Wikepedia describes ambivalence as 'a state of having simultaneous, conflicting feelings toward a person or thing. Stated another way, ambivalence is the experience of having thoughts and emotions of both positive and negative valence toward someone or something.'
I think that pretty much sums me up for the most part. Or my feelings at least.
I am ambivalent towards most things in my life and towards most people in my life that I am not related to - and, indeed, some that I am.
Sleep will be interesting, it usually is. I should write more about my dreams; they are surreal to the point that, upon waking in the night, I am still terrified for a long time after sleep has gone and find it hard to return to.
Today has been strange.