Thursday 26 November 2009

You already know

I feel I must be doing myself some damage. I find my situation worrying in several ways; I know my physical wellbeing is at stake.... the activities I partake in are hardly savoury, and I rarely if ever get my recommended five a day. My mental health can't be up to scratch either, partly due to to the physical wellbeing junk, but also because I've never felt 100% stable.
But when I start feeling like that I reprimand myself for being so self-obsessed and vain. Everyone feels unstable sometimes, that's common knowledge. Then I start to think, perhaps that is exactly what an unstable person would think, and for years bury their worries and never seek advice or help of any form and eventually have their feelings erupt in a massive stroke or end up mass murdering an office/church/school full of people.
I may or may not seek help this week. I often plan to, and never have. Not for the most worrying of the issues that worry me, anyway.
Tonight I will do to the cinema, and I will feel like everything is ok. My teeth will hurt when I drink my icy drink, a harsh reminder, but I am so used to it by now that it hardly bothers me.
I don't want them to fall out though, so perhaps I just pretend it doesn't bother me.
I lost seven pounds last week.

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